Successful Learning Tip: Talk With Your Child

Hearing vocabulary is a great enhancer of learning. The more words your child hears, the more words are built in her head. A great way to help build up your child's vocabulary is to talk with your child. You talk, your child talks, you listen, and your child listens.

Listening to a child and especially answering 100 questions (you know kids don't play 20 questions; they play 100 questions, most of which start with W and end with HY) can get frustrating sometimes. I have heard people say many times that they couldn't wait for their child to start talking, but then they couldn't get them to quit! Remember, talk to them while they are young, not only to help build vocabulary, but so they want to talk to you when they are teenagers. Don't think you can avoid talking with the 4 year old and strike up conversations at 14 years old.

Children love to talk in most cases. Ask her questions about her day. When she has questions, answer them. Answer them with real answers, not "because" and "I don't know." When she has answers you don't know, go to a resource and look it up together.

Listen to her when she is talking; use good non-verbals that show you are listening. Be interested in what she has to say.

Encourage your child to express herself, speak clearly, and use words correctly. As you speak, set a good example of how to speak correctly. But don't become a nag. You don't want your child to avoid talking to you because of your constant correction. If your child says something incorrectly, you can simply say it back to her, with some emphasis on the word said incorrectly.

Child: "That odder boy did it."
You: "The other boy did it?"

Now, something to be aware of is that in general, boys do not talk as freely as girls. I have seen that sharply with my children. I love to know what is going on with my kids. When Brayden started nursery in church, I would always ask him about his day.

"What did you learn about in nursery today?"

"I don't know."

"What songs did you sing?"

"I don't remember."

That is a typical conversation between Brayden and me after church. As he has gotten older, he has gotten better. But I often have to ask specific questions and get him talking about it for several minutes before he will volunteer information.

Then came Kaitlyn. She would give me so many details, down to conversations she had with people. It was amazing!

Kaitlyn likes to play with a neighbor boy who is a few months older than she. One day at lunch after playing with him, she said, "Mom, guess what me and Max did. We ate weeds! And they were yucky. Bleh!"

Knowing boys, I was sure my neighbor had no idea her son had been out eating weeds, so I told her all about it and we got a kick out of the difference between males and females. You will have to work harder to get your son talk to you than you will your daughter. And that rings true in most cases for adults as well, right?

I have found some tricks with Brayden. I ask him a general question, "Did you have fun playing with the neighbors?" He will reply yes. Then I say, "What did you do?" He will then reply played games and stuff or I don't know....sometime uninformative. I then just sit still and wait, but wait without pressure. I don't stare him down. I might pretend like I am going to read the newspaper or something.

He will then start to tell me things. As I listen, he tells me more and more. I just have to ask a couple of simple, non-pressure questions in the beginning, wait, and he will tell.

Another trick with all males in general is they tend to prefer talking while doing something (like folding laundry, doing dishes, or even playing in the sand) and prefer to be side by side--not sitting and facing each other. So if you are trying to get your son to talk to you, try sitting down and building Legos or inviting him to join you work on something while you casually ask him questions.

Talking with your child is a great way to both teach your child about language and social skills, and also to remain aware of what is going on in his world. You can help him work through his feelings and decipher his thoughts on what is going on.

Hearing, Understanding, and Talking: Birth through 5 Years

When I went to my son's Kindergarten orientation, they gave us this paper with milestones to watch for at different ages so far as hearing, understanding, and talking go. I thought it was a simple list and thought I would share it. As you look at this list, you can think of activities to do to help build and exercise these skills. I will share some of my own ideas in further posts.

Remember that children reach milestones at different ages. A nice thing about this list is that after one year old, it covers one year at a time. So if your child is 12 months old and you are looking at the 1-2 years list, then don't stress if she doesn't meet everything--she likely won't. These are things she should develop over the course of this year.

If you are concerned about any of these, be sure to talk to your pediatrician.

BIRTH-3 MONTHS

 

Hearing/Understanding

• Startles to loud sounds
• Quiets or smiles when spoken to
• Seems to recognize your voice and quiets if crying
• Increases or decreases sucking behavior in response to sound

Talking

• Makes pleasure sounds like cooing and gooing
• Cries differently for different needs
• Smiles when she sees you

4-6 MONTHS

Hearing/Understanding

• Moves eyes in direction of sounds
• Responds to changes in tone of your voice
• Notices toys that make sounds
• Pays attention to music

Talking

• Babbling sounds get more speech-like with different sounds like p, b, and m
• Vocalizes excitement and displeasure
• Makes gurgling sounds when left alone and when playing with you

7 MONTHS-1 YEAR

Hearing/Understanding

• Enjoys games like peek-a-boo
• Turns and looks in direction of sounds
• Listens when spoken to
• Recognizes common words like "cup," "more," "drink" (whatever words you use often with her)
• Begins to respond to requests like "come here" and "are you done" and "do you want more"

Talking

• Babbling has both long and short groups of sounds such as "tata upup bibibibi"
• Uses speech or non-crying sounds to get and keep attention
• Imitates different speech sounds
• Speaks one or two words, though they might not be clear. Words include Dada, Mama, bye-bye...

1-2 YEARS (the one year old)

Hearing/Understanding

• Points to a few body parts when asked
• Follows simple commands and understands simple questions (Roll the ball, Kiss the baby, Where is your shoe)
• Listens to simple stories, songs, and rhymes
• Points to pictures in a book when named

Talking

• Says more words every month
• Uses some 1-2 word questions (Where's kitty?, What's that?)
• Puts two words together (more please, mommy book)
• Uses many different consonant sounds of the beginning of words

2-3 YEARS (the two year old)

Hearing/Understanding

• Understands differences in meaning (go/stop, in/on, big/little, up/down)
• Follows two requests at a time (get the book and put it on the table)

Talking

• Has a word for almost everything
• Uses 2-3 word sentences to talk about and ask for things
• Speech is understood by familiar listeners most of the time
• Often asks for or directs attention to objects by naming them

3-4 YEARS (the three year old)

Hearing/Understanding

• Hears you when you call from another room
• Hears television or radio at the same loudness levels as other family members
• Understands simple "who, what, where, why" questions

Talking

• Talks about activities at school or friends' homes
• People outside family usually understand speech
• Uses a lot of sentences that have four or more words
• Usually talks easily without repeating syllables or words

4-5 YEARS (the four year old)

Hearing/Understanding

• Pays attention to a short story and answers simple questions about it
• Hears and understands most of what is said at home and in school

Talking

• Voice sounds clear
• Uses sentences taht give details (I like to read my books)
• Tells stories that stick to topic
• Communicates easily with other children and adults
• Says most sounds correctly except a few like l, s, r, v, z, ch, sh, th
• Uses the same grammar as the rest of the family

Where is the Room?

Age Range: 1-2 years old

Activity:
Hold your child's hand and lead him to his room. Tell him that this is his room. Next lead him to the bathroom and your room, telling your child the names of those rooms too.

Ask your child to show you his room. Praise him if he correctly shows you his room! If he seems confused, take him to his room and tell him again that it is his bedroom. Do this a few times until your child can show you his own bedroom.

If there is still interested, continue with having your child show you where the bathroom and your bedroom are. If he seems frustrated or confused still, try again in a week, it could take several days for him to go to the correct room when requested.

Skills:
-an awareness of rooms and their positions
-following directions
-language interaction
-confidence

Extensions:
To make this activity applicable for a 3-6 year old, turn it into a scavenger hunt. Write clues on pieces of paper and have them guess the room that the next clue is in. Read the clues aloud for your child if she's not reading independently yet. End the scavenger hunt with a special treat for lunch, a picnic outside, or a special art activity.

Teaching Baby Letters

This idea evolved over a few days. We have these Sassy Counting and Spell Bath Appliques. McKenna (9 months old) likes to play with them during her bath. After bath time, I let her hold on to one as I take her to her room and get her dressed. She has eczema, so I spend at least 15 minutes just on lotioning her after a bath, so I really have to provide her with things to keep her happy and still while I do so. And thus, this activity was born. It can be done anytime, but I think just at each diaper change will give you plenty of practice time.

AGE RANGE
I would start this as soon as baby is old enough to hold on to these letters. Activities are hard with babies because you don't see results as quickly as you do with toddlers, but I promise the day does come when you see the fruit of your labors. This would be appropriate for as long as your child is in diapers, and perhaps at times even beyond that.

SUPPLIES

• Sassy Counting and Spell Bath Appliques (or any letter that is safe for your baby to hold and suck on--you know she will suck)
• Baby
• Parent

ACTIVITY
I am going to assume you are doing this at the changing table, but you can do it anywhere.

1. Choose a letter to store at the changing table/station. Choose a letter your baby can possibly say. For example, most baby start babbling consonants such as "d", "m", and "n"--not "q", "v", or "t". Choose a letter appropriate for your child.
2. Place baby on changing table.
3. Hold up the letter. Let's say you are doing B. Hold the letter so baby can see it and say, "This is a B. The B says "Buh." One of my favorite letter movies--okay, my absolute favorite--LeapFrog: Letter Factory has a catchy tune for what each letter says, "The B says, "buh" the B says, "buh." Every letter makes a sound. The B says, "buh." I sing this song.
4. Then give the letter to your child.
5. As you are changing the diaper, say "Buh-buh-buh" over and over as your child shows interest.
6. Change the letter as desired, but don't think you need to do it often. You can stay on the same letter for as long as your baby shows interest in it.

After two days of doing this, McKenna started to purposefully say the letter sound I was saying. We only did it at diaper changes.

EXTENSION
As your baby grows into a pre-toddler, you can add things like what the letter stands for. "This is a B. The be says 'buh.' Be is for Bear, and Ball, and Brayden."

As your pre-toddler starts to talk more, you can ask her to repeat a word B is for.

As your pre-toddler moves to toddler age, you can give her a few words and ask her which on starts with B. You can also ask her to think of a word that starts with B.

CONCLUSION
This is a simple activity that can both make diaper changes a little easier for you and teach your child about the letters of the alphabet!

Talk With Your Child

Alright, alright, I know this seems like a silly suggestion to some of you. Of course we talk to our children. But, as a kindergarten and first grade teacher one of my biggest issues was that my students did not know how to communicate. They had very limited vocabulary, babyish speech habits, and could not answer a question or relate an event. This spilled over into their behavior, their social skills with other students, and of course their academic work, particularly in phonics and reading.

The intelligence of children is intimately connected with the quality and extent of their exposure to language. -Montessori from the Start

If you are a quiet person like me, start talking! I nannied for a toddler back during my quiet, shy early college days and honestly we didn't talk a whole lot since she had nothing to say besides baby jabber and I felt silly talking to myself. Her parents were also not the talkative type, they did tons for their daughter and showed her lots of affection, they just weren't very verbal people once they got home from their jobs each evening. That girl ended up in speech therapy to get her talking clearly when she was about 4 years old. Nobody is around, get over any silliness you feel talking "to yourself" when you're at home with the baby and just start getting into the habit of talking and listening to your child.

Therefore, it is imperative to talk to your baby often throughout his day, naming objects, discussing actions, relating events, and describing people and their apparent feelings. -Montessori from the Start

Talk, talk, talk--adult talk, not baby talk. Talk to her while you're walking in the park, while you're riding in the car, while you're fixing dinner. Tell her what you're doing while you're doing it...This sort of constant chatter lays a verbal foundation in your child's mind. She's learning that words are used to plan, to think, to explain; she's figuring out how the English language organizes words into phrases, clauses, and complete sentences.-- The Well Trained Mind p.27

So how do we do that specifically?

• Tell your child what you're doing or about to do--"Mommy is putting on her coat, then I will put on your coat so we can go to the store."
• Name things-- "here's the kitty" (point) "would you like the ball?" (hold the ball up)
• Read Aloud--even if you read college textbooks aloud as you nurse your baby or as your toddler plays in the bathtub, it is language! More traditional books like The Snowy Day board book are great too :)
• Sing--children often memorize songs naturally so songs are a fantastic tool for language introduction and show the beauty of words put to a tune. Tobias "sings" in the car along with me all the time. I can't understand a word he's saying but it's awfully cute and he's having fun!
• Listen--when your baby or child babbles at you in nonsense toddler language simple smile, nod, and exclaim "oh really?" "isn't that interesting" "hmmm" in response. This encourages the use of verbal words to get Mom's attention and to communicate things.
• Name and Describe Feelings--when your child is tired and cranky, say "you are tired because it's your nap time. Let's go in your room and read a book to settle down for sleep."
  

In The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems, Tracy Hogg suggests that rather than ignore your child's cries or placate them quickly with false words of reassurance ("the shot won't hurt at all", "the dark isn't scary") we should instead identify the emotion they are trying to convey. If your baby is crying from hunger, you would say something like "oh, you must be hungry, it's hard to wait for food sometimes". If your toddler is at the store with you and grumpy, say "I know you're grumpy and it's hard to behave when you're grumpy. We'll be home soon and then we can play a game or watch a video". Avoid an accusatory tone or trying to play down the emotion. Whether it is valid or not your child is feeling it. If you ignore it you miss a valuable opportunity to give your child the coping skills they need to manage the uncomfortable emotions that are bound to occur sometimes. Language is power. If they can name their feeling and why they feel that way they have the power to manage that feeling so it doesn't overwhelm them.

Resources
Montessori from the Start by Paula Polk Lillard and Lynn Lillard Jessen
The Well Trained Mind: A Guide to Classical Education at Home by Susan Wise Bauer and Jessie Wise
The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems by Tracy Hogg